Monthly Archives: February 2012

Redneck Life!

Drinking games are fun to play occasionally. I have several foggy, but fond, memories of playing hockey (the card game), categories, beer pong, and tippy cup – but let’s face it, college is over and it’s probably time to grow up. I’m not saying adults should stop playing drinking games – just the one’s college kid’s play. If you’re wondering: “why me?” or “What now?” Have no worries, look no further, your answer is finally here…ladies and gentlemen, I am proud to introduce you to ‘Redneck Life’!

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MS 150

There are charities for pretty much everything these days, making it difficult to choose one over another. Some just ask for donations, but the more successful ones also have events – Susan B. Komen Walk for the Cure, AIDS Walk, C.H. Robinson Worldwide MS 150 Ride, etc. Being sponsored in these events can be a fun experience, and I highly recommend participating in any of them at least once.

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Crank Yankers

Boredom is a breeding ground for trouble. Growing up in a small rural town in southern Minnesota pretty much guaranteed that most days wouldn’t be very exciting. However, this provided a great opportunity for kids to be creative with their time. I, for one, never had difficulty coming up with ways to entertain myself and others.

The day I discovered how to block my phone number is memorable – three ultra egos were born.

Rupert is my gangsta pimp ultra ego. When people answer the phone, he says “Yo, yo, yo, dis be Rupert, you got ma monies?” Lonnie is my ‘special’ ultra ego. He has a tendency to ask girls to go to his school dance, though it takes him a while to ask because of his stutter – every girl who ever dated any of my friends received a call from Lonnie. Anthony, my gay ultra ego, is my favorite and most used. Anthony had a tendency to call the parents of my most conservative friends…

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Is that a dollar sign for the S?

Eighteen year old kids seldom make wise choices – at least I didn’t. The shenanigans I took part in gave my parents the unique opportunity to meet with each principal I ever had at every school I attended. You see, my friends and I were good kids but we loved to have fun, which usually meant trouble.

My friends describe my father as being like Mr. Rodgers – soft spoken, soothing voice, similar fashion sense, and never angry. The similarities are pretty much dead on. For fun, I would do things just to keep him on his toes…

One night I decided that it would be a great idea to get my name tattooed on the inside of my lip – which was kind of perfect timing, because my friends and I were already on our way to the tattoo parlor.

We had convinced our friend to get a tattoo of a flagpole on his butt, with the number 19 on it (the 19th hole) – all we had to do was pay for it. I would show a picture, but I’m guessing nobody really wants to see a tattoo coming out of the inner crevasse of my friends butt cheeks.

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Honesty is a trait that people appreciate. The simple act forms a trust and loyalty to transparent people and businesses. It makes sense – no one wants to be taken advantage of, but it happens all too often.

 I can’t tell you how many times people have tried to hustle me for cash, with some elaborate story. It happens in almost every city, but isn’t very effective. On the rare occasion when someone is transparent, they should be rewarded…

Yesterday I encountered this man by Pike Place Market, gave him a dollar, shook his hand and thanked him for his honesty.

Crazy Ped’s & Douche Bag Driver’s

It may come to a surprise to all of you, but unfortunately I’m not the world’s best driver. I know, it’s really hard to believe – but you’re Kourteous, how can you be a bad driver? Well, truth be told, I’ve totaled 3 vehicles so far (not including minor accidents) and I’m guessing there will be several more down the road. (Haha, get it? Down the road…it’s funny because I’m talking about cars…not funny? Okay, I’ll work on my humor later.)

Despite my horrible driving record, being courteous to other drivers and pedestrians has always been something that I take pride in – I don’t honk, tailgate, or cut people off, but I do patiently wait for pedestrians to cross, and let other drivers merge in front of me when nobody else will…

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Ninjas, Pilots, & Superheroes

What do you want to be when you grow up? It’s a question that never seems to go away.

Twenty years ago, I was hell bent on becoming a ninja. The idea of being somewhat invisible by taking cover in the shadows of nightfall, and quietly completing missions totally captivated my imagination.

My neighbor, at the time, was an elderly gentleman. He enjoyed fishing and used live frogs as bate, which he kept in a cage behind his shed. This really bothered me. It was pretty obvious when he was getting ready for a trip, because frogs quickly multiplied in the cage a few days before he planned on leaving. It became my mission, as a ninja, to save all of the frogs that he captured. As the sun went down, I would change into my ninja outfit and sneak over to the cage to free the frogs. It was a success for a while, but he eventually decided to keep the cage in his garage. That was a sad day in ninja history – my short lived career was over.

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Friends come in all kinds of personalities. It’s what makes friend groups interesting, and fun to be a part of. Despite the shortcomings people tend to have, there is one thing that holds friend groups together – love. Yup, that’s right! (Come on, it’s Valentine’s Day) By accepting others for who they are, we become better people.

In moments of weakness, there is nothing better than having a good friend by your side for encouragement.

Rough night...

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What’s Got Your Goat?

For some reason or another, people enjoy being pet owners. I certainly do. While most prefer cats and dogs, some folks would rather have snakes, rats, alligators, or spiders. To each his own I guess. Fortunately, there are city ordinances to limit the number of pets allowed in each household. Personally, I think it’s an attempt to prevent the crazy cat ladies out there from hoarding too many kittens…

Yup, that's a cat...

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Chess Night at the White Horse!

In my younger years, I had absolutely no patience for board games (other than checkers) or Nintendo. Playing in the great outdoors was the only thing I ever wanted to do – creating a rift in my relationship with my brother, as he was the complete opposite. Though my love for the outdoors hasn’t changed, my patience and desire for learning new things has evolved over the years.

In college, I taught myself how to play Backgammon. Apparently the strategy is very similar to Poker (weird right?!?). This was news to me when my friend Jon asked me to teach him how to play, in hopes that it would make him a better Poker player. It was confusing (because I don’t play poker), but exciting none the less – I FINALLY HAD THE OPPORTUNITY TO PLAY ANOTHER HUMAN!!!


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