Crank Yankers

Boredom is a breeding ground for trouble. Growing up in a small rural town in southern Minnesota pretty much guaranteed that most days wouldn’t be very exciting. However, this provided a great opportunity for kids to be creative with their time. I, for one, never had difficulty coming up with ways to entertain myself and others.

The day I discovered how to block my phone number is memorable – three ultra egos were born.

Rupert is my gangsta pimp ultra ego. When people answer the phone, he says “Yo, yo, yo, dis be Rupert, you got ma monies?” Lonnie is my ‘special’ ultra ego. He has a tendency to ask girls to go to his school dance, though it takes him a while to ask because of his stutter – every girl who ever dated any of my friends received a call from Lonnie. Anthony, my gay ultra ego, is my favorite and most used. Anthony had a tendency to call the parents of my most conservative friends…

Anthony’s most memorable phone call occurred on a long ride to the state tennis section finals. I knew my friend Andrew would be fishing after school – making his parents the perfect target for a series of prank phone calls by gay Anthony.

Andrew’s father picked up the phone almost immediately. Anthony then asked if he could speak with Andrew.

Andrew’s Dad: (In a very masculine voice) “He’s fishing”

Anthony: “Fishing?! We were supposed to ‘hang out’ if you know what I mean”

Andrew’s Dad: “Who is this?”

Anthony: “Andrew’s boyfriend Anthony. He didn’t tell you about me?”

Andrew’s Dad: – click –

Two more calls were placed (about 15mins apart) with Anthony asking a barrage of questions – where is he? Who is he with? When will he be back? When can I meet you…? Andrew’s dad was livid. Apparently I was successful in convincing him that his son was in a relationship with some kid named ‘Anthony’ and he wanted answers. Andrew did his best to assure his father that it was a prank, but he wasn’t convinced until I later informed him that it was a joke.

I’m sure karma will get me back some day…

Lessons learned:

  1. *67 will block your number.
  2. Prank phone calls can help improve acting skills.



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